⸺ domestic abuse & Toxic behaviours ⸺
Understanding Domestic Abuse
Awareness is the first step toward freedom — seeing clearly and making informed choices of what comes next.
#HushNoMore is a survivor‑led campaign that raises awareness of domestic abuse by breaking silence and stigma. Through our message, Not Our Shame, we remind you that naming abuse is not about blame —
it’s about reclaiming your voice and beginning the path to healing and empowerment.
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All page resources are confidential and free.
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⸺ Begin Here
Am I in an abusive
relationship?
A Place to Begin
Listen to this truth
"You are not crazy.
You are paying attention."
What follows is a list of common abuser behaviours and common victim experiences. It is not a diagnosis. It is a mirror — one designed to help you see, gently, whether what you are living inside has a name. Read at your own pace.
It is common to suffer domestic abuse without even realising it — to minimise, to find explanations, to make excuses for what is happening, held there by fear, guilt, or shame.
Read with care
"Our signature Self-Love Method™ helps women rebuild confidence and heal from within."
⸺ Begin Here
Am I in an abusive
relationship?
It is common to suffer domestic abuse without even realising it — to minimise, to find explanations, to make excuses for what is happening, held there by fear, guilt or shame.
What follows is a list of common abuser behaviours and common victim experiences. It is not a diagnosis. It is a mirror — one designed to help you see, gently, whether what you are living inside has a name. Read at your own pace.
Read with care
"Our signature Self-Love Method™ helps women rebuild confidence and heal from within."
A Place to Begin
Listen to this truth
"You are not crazy.
You are paying attention."
⸺ How It Works ⸺
Common abuser's behaviour.
If you recognise these patterns in someone close to you, please know — this is what abuse looks like. It does not always shout. It often whispers.
i.
Gaslighting.
Words or situations are twisted, spun or selectively omitted to favour them. False information is presented as truth — until you doubt your own memory, your perception, your sanity.
II.
Lies that don't add up.
Explanations that don't make sense to you. The truth distorted beyond recognition. A version of the past being presented to you that you do not recognise as the one you lived.
III.
Slow erosion of self-esteem.
Belittling, sowing seeds of doubt about your abilities, putting you down — sometimes openly, sometimes wrapped as "concern" or "honesty." Over time, you stop trusting yourself.
IV.
The double life.
The public perception is that you are a happy, loving couple/family — admired even. The reality behind closed doors is very different. The mask is for the world; the horror is for you.
V.
Emotional, verbal, sexual or physical abuse.
Being made to feel "less than," vulnerable and threatened. Not all abuse leaves visible scars, but all are designed to control, overpower and diminish you. And all leave traumatic imprints in your life.
VI.
Loss of personal freedom.
You're expected to run everything by them. You are not free to make your own decisions — about who you spend time with, how you dress, where you go, what you do with your day.
VII.
Sexual coercion or withdrawal.
Hurt or intimidated during sex, then told it was a "sex game." Or denied intimacy as punishment — told you are not attractive enough, not deserving enough, to be touched.
VIII.
Financial control.
They control how much money you have access to and what you can spend it on, while spending freely themselves. You may be kept off bank accounts, kept in the dark about the family's finances.
IX.
Forced financial documents.
Pressured to take out loans in your name or sign financial documents — without ever being given a real explanation of what you are signing or why.
X.
Reproductive coercion.
Attempts to keep you pregnant — hiding contraception, pressuring you to have a baby when they know you do not want one — sometimes precisely because a child would make leaving harder.
⸺ Patterns to Recognise · Part Two ⸺
Common victim's experience.
If any of the following feel familiar to your daily life, please pause. None of these are flaws in you — they are responses to a situation that has shaped you.
i.
Walking on eggshells.
You can no longer say what you really feel. You weigh every word before speaking, anticipating their reaction. Conversation becomes calculation. Silence becomes your refuge.
II.
Heightened anxiety in their presence.
Your body knows before your mind does — a held breath, a hum of dread, a quiet tightening — the moment they walk through the door.
III.
Loss of self-trust.
You stop trusting your own gut. You become a shadow of who you used to be, doubting your sanity. You withdraw from friends and family — sometimes encouraged to, sometimes by exhaustion.
IV.
Mental health struggle.
Anxiety, depression, panic, fearfulness, overwhelm — not as background notes, but as the new texture of your daily life. You may not recognise yourself any more.
V.
Avoiding home.
You spend more time at work, more time in the gym or anywhere else. Home, the place that should hold you, has become the place you most want to avoid.
VI.
Covering up the truth to others.
Lying or making excuses to friends, family, doctors, employers — to cover up your behaviour or theirs. The pretence becomes its own kind of exhaustion.
VII.
Avoiding medical care.
Putting off medical appointments — even for injuries — because explaining how you got them feels harder than living with them unattended.
VIII.
Substance use or disordered eating.
Drinking more, taking drugs (recreational or prescription) just to cope with the overwhelm. Or food becomes the place — comfort eating or restricting to avoid their criticism.
IX.
Physical signs of stress.
The body holds what the voice cannot. Weight loss or gain, hair loss, gynaecological problems, sleep that never quite restores you.
X.
Hiding your communications.
Deleting messages, clearing search histories, watching the door when you talk to a friend. Even your phone is no longer fully yours.
Xi.
Feeling like you're going mad.
They deny what happened. They tell you you remembered it wrong, that you are too sensitive, that you imagined it. Slowly, you dout yourself. You are not going mad. This is one of the clearest signs you are being manipulated.
Xii.
Staying small to keep peace
Holding back your voice, shrinking your presence or avoiding conflict just to keep things calm. You silence your needs, suppress your opinions and minimise yourself so they don’t get upset.
"These experiences are not your fault. You deserve safety, and you deserve healing."
⸺ Patterns to Recognise · Part Two ⸺
Common victim's
experience.
If any of the following feel familiar to your daily life, please pause. None of these are flaws in you — they are responses to a situation that has shaped you.
i.
Walking on eggshells.
You can no longer say what you really feel. You weigh every word before speaking, anticipating their reaction. Conversation becomes calculation. Silence becomes safer.
II.
Heightened anxiety in their presence.
Your body knows before your mind does — a held breath, a hum of dread, a quiet tightening — the moment they walk through the door.
III.
Loss of self-trust.
You stop trusting your own gut. You become a shadow of who you used to be, doubting your sanity. You withdraw from friends and family — sometimes encouraged to, sometimes by exhaustion.
IV.
Mental health struggle.
Anxiety, depression, panic, fearfulness, overwhelm — not as background notes, but as the new texture of your daily life. You may not recognise yourself any more.
V.
Avoiding home.
You spend more time at work, more time in the car, more time anywhere else. Home, the place that should hold you, has become the place you most want to leave.
VI.
Covering up the truth to others.
Lying or making excuses to friends, family, doctors, employers — to cover up your behaviour or theirs. The cover-up becomes its own kind of exhaustion.
VII.
Avoiding medical care.
Putting off medical appointments — even for injuries — because explaining how you got them feels harder than living with them unattended.
VIII.
Substance use or disordered eating.
Drinking more, taking more (recreational or prescription) just to cope with the overwhelm. Or food becomes the place — comfort eating, or restricting to avoid their criticism.
IX.
Physical signs of stress.
The body holds what the voice cannot. Weight loss or gain, hair loss, gynaecological problems, sleep that never quite restores you.
X.
Hiding your communications.
Deleting messages, clearing search histories, watching the door when you talk to a friend. Even your phone is no longer fully yours.
Xi.
Feeling like you're going mad.
They deny what happened. They tell you you remembered it wrong, that you are too sensitive, that you imagined it. Slowly, you start to wonder if they're right. You are not going mad. You are paying attention to a relationship that asks you not to. This is one of the clearest signs of all.
Xii.
Staying small to keep peace
Holding back your voice, shrinking your presence, or avoiding conflict just to keep things calm. You silence your needs, suppress your opinions, and minimize yourself so others don’t get upset.
"These experiences are not your fault. You deserve safety and you deserve healing."
In Immediate Danger
Call 999
If you are in immediate danger,
please call 999.
If you are not in immediate danger but need to speak to someone — you are not alone. The lines below are free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day.
Refuge · UK 24h
0808 2000 247
National Domestic Abuse Helpline. Free, confidential, women only.
Women's Aid
Live Chat
Online chat support, womensaid.org.uk — 10am-6pm Mon–Fri.
Samaritans · 24h
116 123
If you are in emotional distress, of any kind, at any hour.
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