What is Domestic Abuse?
The UK Government definition of Dometic Abuse:
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“Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.”
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Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour that can involve:
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Physical abuse
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Coercive controlling behaviour
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Sexual abuse
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Abuse through Children
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Economic abuse
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Stalking and harassment
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Cyberbullying
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Emotional/psychological abuse
Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
It is common for victims suffering domestic abuse to do so without even realising, often minimising and finding excuses for their experience due to fear, guilt, or shame. Here is a list abuser's behaviours and victim's experiences that can help you identify whether you are experiencing abuse domestic abuse.
Common Abuser's Behviour
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Gaslighting – when words or situations are twisted or spun or selectively omitted to favour your partner, or when false information is presented, making you doubt your own memory, perception or even sanity.
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Lies or explanations that don’t make sense to you – the truth being distorted beyond recognition or your partner presenting a different version of the past to you.
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A slow erosion of confidence and self-esteem – when you partner is belittling you, sowing seeds of doubt about your abilities, and putting you down.
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Living a double life behind closed doors – the public perception is that you are a happy, loving couple but the reality at home is very different.
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Emotional, verbal, sexual and/or physical abuse – when your partner makes you feel ‘less than’ and vulnerable, as well as being threatening or even violent towards you.
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Lack of personal freedom – you’re forced to run everything by your partner and denied the freedom to make your own decisions. This could include them controlling who you spend time with, how you dress and even where you go.
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Being hurt or intimidated during sex – but you partner excuses it as a ‘sex game’. Or they refuse to be intimate with you because they say you are not attractive, or they withdraw physically to punish you.
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Financial control – your partner controls the amount of money you have access to or what you spend it on, whilst they can spend as they please without mentioning it to you. You may be prevented from having a bank account or not given access to the family’s financial information and kept in the dark about money.
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Being forced to take out loans in your name or sign financial documents – without an explanation as to what they are.
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Attempts to get you pregnant – by hiding contraception or trying to persuade you to have a baby when they know you don’t want one to prevent you from leaving.
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Common Domestic Abuse Victim's Experience
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A feeling of walking on eggshells – not being able to say what you really feel and worrying about your partner’s reaction before you speak.
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Heightened anxiety when your partner is around.
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Increased self-doubt when you start mistrusting your gut instinct and ability to make good decisions. You lose your confidence, become a shadow of your former self and may even start doubting your sanity. Withdrawing from friends and family becoming isolated from those close to you while your partner sets things up to make you more dependent on them.
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Struggling with your mental health feelings of anxiety, depression, panic, fearfulness or overwhelm.
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Avoiding going home spending more time at work.
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Lying or making excuses to other people to cover up your own or your partner’s behaviour.
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Avoiding medical intervention for injuries due to the fear of having to explain how you got them.
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Drinking more or taking drugs (recreational or prescription) to cope with the emotional overwhelm. Developing an unhealthy attitude to food either comfort eating or losing weight to avoid criticism from your partner.
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Showing physical signs of stress including weight loss, hair loss, and gynecological problems.
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Hiding your communications with others in case your partner finds out.
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Feeing like you are going mad when your partner denies events and incidents of abuse or gaslights you.
You must seek support if you resonate and suffer from these experiences. These are unacceptable behaviours and should never be excused, and more importantly, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Book a free discovery call to gain clarity on the situation and learn how we can support you.
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IF YOU FEEL YOU ARE SUBJECTED TO IMMEDIATE THREAT OR DANGER, PLEASE CALL 999.